This letter comes from the "other side" of a fake personal.
I've had this experience in Virginia and feel the need to reply to this forum, if for no other reason than to hopefully protect the hearts, emotions or the life quallity of the few hopefuls that might run across this forum, just as I did. .
I myself found "Jim" on
Love@Aol six years ago. I will never post another personal again. I had to learn the hard way. I honestly thought it was too good to be true. He was sweet, down to earth and stated to be everything I might be looking for. He was also soft spoken and a great conversationalist. He was a drummer in a band, (not anymore) but stated he didn't have the re***tion of a "typical" band member. He was in his 40's, renting an apartment. He had been married twice, divorced, but had no children...as he cannot have children.
In the past six years I have found that he's addicted to internet personals as a way of getting attention that he feels he can't get in a normal relationship. Normal to Jim is boring. Jim is what I consider to be a narcissist. I'll breifly explain why I've come to this conclusion...along with a lot of research to find out what was going on inside of our relationship. Things just stop making sense. Maybe they never did, but I felt the need to give him the benefit of the doubt and ignore the massive red flags.
Jim doesn't have a problem with attracting you, but does have a problem opening up once you're in a relationship with him. He is an alcoholic. He is addicted to pain killers. (Tylenol w/codeine). He will tell you he has chron's disease as a way for your accepting his behavior and his addictions, if you find them. He will hide these things from you and everything will appear to be an imcomplete story. He will baffle you this way, but still somehow...has the ability to make everything he does or doesn't do make sense.
I've never met his parents or family. He told me his relationship with his father was awful and doesn't like to visit them for that reason. Yes, six years of dating and never met his parents. I did speak to them on the phone several times when they called my house looking for him. I also spoke to his sister, Pam, who knew Jim had a problem with drinking. But, he'll surely show you a picture of his parent's house...because it's beautiful and makes him look even better.
Oh, but he will also appear to be a great person. He will grill and cook for you. Tell you how much he loves his dogs, attempt to be your handyman-with trash collection and tinkering around with his tools.
Listen, I know he is currently associated and a member of serveral online personals, including Match.com and Yahoo Personals, as I found out once again...just before I left the relationship. He uses hotmail, yahoo and aol email addresses. He signed up on these personals approximately 2 to 3 times a year, while we were still seeing each other. I always had to find out the hard way, because he wouldn't leave me or tell me...he just lied.
He has met several women and he has chatted, emailed and spoken on the phone with many, many other women. The only ways I found out what was happening was by looking at his phone bills or searching his computer. The reason I went to these extremes is because he would distance himself completely from the relationship, and become critical and demanding of me. I never could figure it out.
How does he do it?
Jim gets a profile and free seaches the personals for approximately two weeks (from work or by using another hard drive at home). Then when he's gathered the ones he want to contact, he signs up for the service. He usually does not post a pic, but I have seen his pic on yahoo personals. If he thinks he's been discovered, he fixes his profile where he can't be seen, but still continues to send winks. His profiles aren't very informative either.
Jim will state he's from different cities in Virginia. I've seen Farmville, Roanoke, Galax, Richmond, Somewhere in VA, Bedford, Appomattox, Rustburg, Madison Heights, Lynchburg, Lynch Station, Forest...and there are more, but I think I've made my point. In actuallity, he rents in a small town south of Lynchburg, VA.
Jim also states that he is either 47,48,49 and sometimes 50. When...in actuallity, he's 51. He takes photos of himself with cameras that have timers, but it appears as if someone else took the pictures.
Jim will love the outer banks of NC. He posts pictures from our visit there, but of course, he'll tell you he went by himself. Jim really loves blondes. Jim actually works in Lynchburg, Va...no matter what he says. This is his fourth job in the last six years. He was fired from the other three. Tell you something? Jim loves his dog, Casey. Jim keeps the pics of himself stored on a CD and in his jeep or at work. He wouldn't bring them home because he knew I was suspicious. He's now more free to do things without hiding them, but of course, he was like this when I met him too. He's never been on the personals talking to just one girl. It's usually between 20 to 50 women at one time. So, if he makes you feel special, it's guarenteed he's making other's feel the same.
Jim's credit is wrecked and his phone and lights are cut off on a continual basis. Jim uses cash a lot so that there is no record of his activities, online or not. He parks jeep out of sight at his home. When I asked him why he parked his jeep on the other side of his house and on top of a peice of tin, he told me that he didn't want it reposessed. He said the tin would alert him if they were out there and he could go out and stop them. He's definately a planner.
I'm posting this because I've read the letters to the women he communictes with before. They are very misleading and full of lies. Imagine, he never mentioned me in his emails...not once. But, if you've known him in the past six years, I was there in his life also. I don't blame the innocent people at all. I know it was his actions that caused the chaos in my life.
Gosh, I could go on and on. But, if this letter helps someone open their eyes, I've accomplished something.
Remember girls and guys....
Ask questions. Don't be afraid of appearing nosey or being pushy when you do this. This was my mistake and I paid dearly. Also, save all of your emails and im's. If something is communicated that doesn't make sense, you can always refer to what has been said. Liars eventually stumble through their communication. Liars will sometimes forget their lies. The truth needs no memory. If what you see and what you've been told don't quite make sense...then act on it. Don't ignore the red flags.
I hope I've helped someone. If you're from or around the area of Lynchburg, VA..and stumble across, "JIM"...then, please make sure he shows you his real life. The Jim I know will do this somewhat, but very limited. He'lll also appear nervous and uncomfortable about it. I hope all of you who are now using the personals will have luck and success, just be careful.
Allalong8@aol.com (Write if you like)