I have really messed up. What do I say to one or both of the women I have been 'dating' on the Internet. They both live in Asia. One I have emailed for 4 months, the other for 2 months. They and I are ages 44 to 52, and we are all serious about getting married if we have a good visit. I decided months ago to make the trip overseas to visit #1. Then, not searching in particular, found #2 in a nearby city. She seemed like a better match for me than #1, or a matching alternative in case one of a thousand things do not go right with #1. But on the Internet, who the heck really knows? I did not figure we had a committment and that we have never actually met. Based on our emails, I adore both of them. I did make clear that I would not pop the marriage question during the visit, so we could try to explore and have fun.
My time and expense to visit them are very high. Bottom line is that I have tried to keep my options going, hoping that over time a choice would be obvious. It has not. And, I plan somehow to visit both. One email user suggested I not get intimate with them ( i.e. have sex) so as not to hurt their feelings later if our relationship does not end in marriage proposal. I can do that. As the time for the visit gets closer next month, their emails and expressions of love and devotion and hope and dreams are heart - rending. I continue to express my dreams and adoration for them too, but also that we have to meet first. Not sure a traditional Asian lady understands our American ways. They want to love and be loved and would travel the world to be with me. If I like them when I meet them, and I expect to be enraptured by both, the marriage expectations will be sky high.
So, now I have two ladies who dream of being married to me. (Keep in mind they have no or few prospects at home.) If I tell them both that I am visiting another lady on this trip, it might ruin my prospects with both. An email user with Asian experience advised not to inform them about that.
What is the best approach? I need to do something to not hurt them, or one of them, any worse? I have to lower their expectations, but not so low that I spend 10 days in a foreign country with no company at all and no set tour guides, etc.
Signed, World Wide Web of Deceit.